Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
