She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Boobs are out for the taking
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
