How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
