the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
