I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
