Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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