i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
