OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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