Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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