Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
