I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
