First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
