Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
