I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just saw a hot homeless man
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
