i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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