I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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