his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
