woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
