im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize