my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
