I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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