Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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