i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
