So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
