There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
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