after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
