Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
