Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
