we're blogging at a bar
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
