Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
