I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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