just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
