i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
