I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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