I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
