I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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