Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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