Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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