Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
