3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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