i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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