Will you blow on my dice?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
