Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
