ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
