I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
