Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
