my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
