Just mADE A PArabola og urine
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
