white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I need to calm my uterus...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize