I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
