Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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