I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize