And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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