when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
