so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize