none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize