I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
