the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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