You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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