You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize