Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
