The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
