Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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