I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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