you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize