Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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