I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
