your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
