I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize