Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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