The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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