Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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