Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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