For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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