dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
