Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
