She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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