yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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