My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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