sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
