One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
