I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
