i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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