The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
