and she was petting her beer can
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
