You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
