So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dignity is for republicans.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
