I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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