a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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