It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
