I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
