a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I will pee on everything he values.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
