You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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