Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
