Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.

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(314): View more from Missouri

The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

Hopefully she would park on my face.

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(727): View more from Florida

let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.

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(713): View more from Texas

You threw up everything but your ovaries.

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