This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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