I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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