Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
